Looking forward

Today was a stay home to nothing at all day (except for early morning cleaning, playing my daughters in between laudary) and I have a love and hate relationship with that time to myself. Either I'll do online shopping, I think about how my life is going, how it's not going as I expected as I'm pushing 30. 

I think about the past,how much talent I had and because of my insecurities and no support, I didn't pursue it. Sometimes it's hard to follow your dreams when people see it as a joke when it's a passion of mine. It's a daily struggle to be this strong person that everyone sees in you because of bearing 2 beautiful girls and holding an AVM thru it, and now after 3 brain radiations...no sometimes it's too difficult.  I feel so happy when I see my girls but yet so disconnected. They are so smart and beautiful and I can't compare to their daddy. Someone told me that I am exactly where God wants me to be. That I should feel blessed that I was chosen to be a testament. It's so hard to believe that at times. I am thankful that I can still walk, talk, comprehend.

I've got a longs way to go but th faith is still their